Naive-Dad

First day in the South. In the North. Way up the past becomes unreachable. Rare. Past repeating. Improving time. Making me unbearable. An affirmation in the morning: "I won't eat from the pantry at work. I don't need to get snacks from coworkers. My food from home is enough. I don’t need any junk food. - End the day mantra: rational portions & balanced nutrition fill me up. I don’t need to overeat at bedtime. I don’t need to starve for self inflicted goals, torturing myself. I will stop harming my health and emotions. I will work hard to become a better woman. A better human.

...

Did it. Wasn’t easy.Wasn’t the end. Nightmare. Started. The hardest. Day one. No oatmeal. No illicit chocolate. Leading to a day with no chocolate at all. Stopped counting the days. Without smoke.  Not an issue. Now. Food well. Need to regain control at bedtime. Encounter with emptiness. Got to fill it with something else. Maybe keep this journal. With typos and all. Think at lunchtime. Instead of driving home. Write a story. Polish a poem. Who knows. Blocked access to my website. To protect my son. Against content. I am his mother. Disturbed.

.....

po
et
ry

I need a break. And I need more. And I’m getting older. But I’m getting to know me better. And then ill forget to learn. And forget what forget means.
And what means to question. And a word and things. And names. Faces. Everything. And death will render me dead.
...

Help:
I think
I am
thinking
thanking
tanking
tinning
tanning
toning
turning
tenant
teen-
ing
I-
n-
g.
...

form
farm
ferment
firm
fume
famine
femme
fate
fat-
all.
xxx

lend me
your marrow
salty juice
tall
gooey
laughable
vital
still
thick
brief
sticky
slippery
dripping
drop
straw
chalk
breaking
lip
arrogance
desperate
stopping
quitting
moving
stall
forever
in
my
belly
marrow
...
riddle ride- Lee
cat: I, the middle
the caw?
Jump!
 over
the moon too.
Moo-
There
Mo-
-ther
meow
me
Oh!
Me…