Dejar ir

Una tarea 

Permanente 

Dejar ir es

Llenar el

Espacio del

Recuerdo y

El deseo 

Con la ausencia 

Del futuro 

Es acercarse

A la distancia 

Entre el árbol 

Y la ventana 

Es abrir el

Portal de

La voz entre

La mente

Mensaje

Hacia el 

Momento

De verdad

Enfrente

Mío 

Dejar ir es

Alabanza

Silenciosa

Es cantar

Sin música 

Es perder

Todo y

No ser feliz 

No esperar

Sentimientos 

Ni emociones

Como recompensa 

Dejar ir no 

Es la muerte

Es el fin 

Último de 

La vida en 

Reposo y un

Puente

El puente

Nunca se

Cae

Pero

Siempre

Yacerá 

Todo

Bajo los

Pies y

Los ojos 

No necesitarán 

Testificarlo

El paso y

La meditación 

Son un

Viaje

Y entrar al

Alma y

Sus misterios 

Es al fin

Detenerse

Ante la

Respuesta 

Permanente 

Y cordial 

Tell me how to repot history

I was planted. My father took me out o the beach and all I remember, or should I say, what I told happened is l hit my head and lost consciousness. Later on a medium told me: you were planted. You died under the age of 5 and another life took over your body. Then I started taking ginkgo biloba pills to improve my memory and all I remember is having those vivid dreams. In one of them I was told: write. I know it was the devil. I tried to write. I’m unable to find my voice. Often times my voice is a gift to most women. I worked in radio. I could’ve been a great actor. I lie. But never been able for people to understand a word of what I say. And I wonder who is ultimately speaking. The presumptive dead child or the monster compelled by the devil to keep pulling chords of an unheard gospel lost in a maze. As this music flakes into an ear not even animals are breed to posses. I wander into this joke while I keep watering this grass that is long time gone.

Sálvame

De los ojos

Y sus palabras 

Omniscientes

Del miedo

Al amor

Perdido

Sálvame de olvidar 

Que entre cada día

Muere una version

Y se transfigura

Un rasgo de mi cuerpo

Último

Sálvame de encariñarme 

Con la vida

Y de entretener

Sueños permanentes 

Sólo quiero ver reír 

A los míos 

Y aceptar mis derrotas

Quiero dormir

Ligera

Y aprestarme sin zapatos

Ni orgullo

Al gran túnel

De luz y pastos. 

I

I always think of “I” first.

First sentence. “I”

My first word

I love you

I want

I live

Believe

I now

Have your scent

Wrapped around me

Veil that filters the

World

Your eyes

I have become dull

Simple

And my dreams and fears are

One.

I carry you

I carry you in my heart my dear.

E.E. Cummings say it to me first

And I longed to mean these words

For so long

I shared them to my little sister Marilyn 

As I cherished her against my

First instinct 

I have always wished the best for you

I have always wanted you for myself

At least a part of you 

The same part that held the last thread

To my desire to live

The thread that like a rope

Tied your soul to mine

Now the journey starts

We have a mission.

Forgive my redundancy 

My tireless insistence

I have lost my wit

I surrendered my self protectiveness 

To stay in your life

I want

I desire

I dream

I breath

And I am with you.

8.10.2020

 Dentro de los mundos
los otros mundos
mas pequenos
y el mundo mas grande
se desborda y
recompone.
Mi mundo son mis
manos
ojos diestros
sus palabras
de tinta
y barro.
Soy libre
dentro de cada mundo
y el amor
sucede
cada que salgo
y acaricio
mis dedos
y luego mis dedos
sobre los pies
de mi amado
sobre el pecho de mi amado
al rededor de su cuello
abrazados a su espalda
sobre su cabello
sobre su rostro
sobre los alimentos
que compartimos
en silencio.
Y de pronto
me confundo en su mundo
que es solo un mundo
y para el
el amor
es el sueno
de conquistar
al mundo
conmigo.

7.29.2020

I labeled
a day
then a feeling
then a thought.
I labeled death
and madness.
I labeled the future
and guilt.
I labeled music
silence
and absence.
I labeled
pain.
I found at the end
of my glass of
water
I have no labels
for hope
and gratitude.

Meine Liebste, Gerechtigkeit

Con el brillo caricioso
De tus ojos
Mar y verde cielo
Quieto se mece el cisne
Tranquila perfección de
Su reflejo
Destello inexplicable
Deseo ser aire
Presto
Breve
Perennidad impermanente
Del cerezo
Fruto líquido
Saliva clara
En tus labios y sexo
Cierro un pacto
Y vuela abierta la flor
Mi cuerpo fugaz
Ceñido a tu fuerza
Completamente suelto
Alto y fuerte
A través del tiempo
Aire que me viste
De donde parto y
Regreso
Y ese mar que me guiña
Y tu boca, flor absoluta
Me besa y sonríe
Justo antes de verte volar
Justo cuando mi alma deja de ser
Pez bajo el cisne
Y es musgo solemne y feliz.

3.18.20

If I could concentrate
the recollection of hopeful
memories
desire and thrill
wrapped in melancholy
I would try to contain
the implosion for a moment
and before making sense of it
take a neat bright picture
because I know something
so powerful
can only last if ever exist
a brief moment
I wonder if I could focus
next time, I can fly
with that moment
like a technicolor
balloon.

1.13.20

Please teach me to be strong
my dear
Please make everything go
away.
I am falling down in pieces
I can't do this
alone...

1.9.2020

Sed de altas espumas
bayesta oxidada
amor recubierto
de musgo
esteril

This sordid longing
for what I have
mirrored from
distance

Sed de altas espumas
bayesta oxidada
amor recubierto
de musgo
esteril

Joshanen

The flower that I painted for you

Pale, in fire

Held in burgundy columns

Our royal limbs

Has a hidden joke

The flavor of our night

Arranging colors

In the dance of our 

Arrangements.

Array

Arrow

At rhythm

Rim

Rum

run

.

10.29.19

How?

The ultimate question
Jump
Thrive
Tether
But you must
try to answer
 ----
Never

Say never
ever
again.

For once,
suppose
a time.
----
The things you make me do

Insomnia
But not one that exhausted
you while it happens
But the one that bites you in the
ass
Either with afterglow euphoria
or with fogginess
and sour tears at work
Trying to focus
Trying to be productive
Then at the fist chance
Do it all over again.

6.18.19

Trampas oseas
quietas en la tierra
craneo sobre
intercalados nervios
Paciente arana
que escapa
sin quebrantar
sus delicadas alertas
escapo
y me detengo
en la vigilia del sol
a comparar mis largas patas
con sus contornos trepidantes
amenazas fragiles
el sol que muere
intercalado y
paciente
quieto sobre la tierra.

Ailan

Brushing my hair
Tying it into a bun
With his military jacket
Telling me:
I will give you a thousand
Spells
And you won’t even
Notice
First,
I release you
Of all complexes
And he gently
Shakes my head three times
Side to side
And I woke up
Free.

And the old way becomes the new way

Death
Prince of many faces
for so long I danced among
the corpses
silently in many valleys
of sand and
blue, pale yellow skies.
Oh! you, cursed fate
uncalled child
abruptly taken
from the arms of
mother dust
You, heiress of the hair
that covers
the pot
where thoughts have tried
to find you
in the light of night
thru the music
of sight
Strands that grow backwards
to earth
My hair
Black, my skin, fair
My eyes, blue.
Blue, the color of sadness
of dreams
Hope, pureness, heaven.
The color of my child
and the eyes of my child
Whose eyes are blueish
green
Grass, fertile
Not like the sterile rock
of my heart, of truth
My son, my heir
Blind.
With no head but a burning sun
Night, moon, sun.
Grass, stone.
Still stillness.
Sand!
A castle, a fortress.
Many flowers burning in crimson
irises
In years of flourishing
contained.
Still black blue.
Grass that goes back to the head
that is now hair
With the color of the sun.
And a futile frugality
of eternal weed
We're back to emptiness
how to carry to your peaceful
crib?
Oh! mother death.
Why are you crying?
Why are you so singing nonstop
the song that can't make yourself sleep?
You've given honor to many
You, incarnated justice of
manhood.
You, purpose of the purposeless.
I wish to rest in your arms.
And perhaps make you rest.
I punished us both.
Going towards you
following a light
then coming back and keep on
dying.
Not knowing the mystery
that you vested in my arms.
My little child.
My child with the blue green eyes
Where such chaos of many questions
to our mutual silence
rendered the cry
of a perpetual chant
of many angels
and goddesses
and heroes, live and death.
Why, is it you my child
that I can hold forever
and such a mystery is no more?
Is so simple. Life is fragile.
Life is meaningless without a mother
that gives and takes.
Never away, my love.
Together, forever.
Know that death is eternal.
That is the burden that God
hide in our hearts to find thee.
Thru death seeds, thoughts
break rock,
and still...
How can I hold you?
How can I keep you from crying?
How can I feed you my dear?
If I am darkness,
the child of night
How can I stop seeing so you can sleep?
I sing, I paint with my words
With my voice and my flavor
I lick your broken burning
skin
I brush your golden hair
With my hands of air
I even cold down your fever
with my pale, marvel skin
And still my baby
you're looking at me in despair
thirsty:
"Mommy
I am dying."
And I revel!
I know God did not make you to die
I must go on.
I must thrive thru my ignorance
to save you.
Finding secrets buried around the world
asking the spirits of hell and heaven
and melting in the earth
I give myself to you my boy.
My blood, color you created
My skin,
My soul
My mysteries
All of it so you exist.
Then daylight breaks
in all the colors of our
lineage
And your father, Storm
furious, seeing mother and child
decapitated
in an empty world
creates
what now is called
washed away
start over
and the moon falls tiny
many many babies
clear and pure
my hands
over rock
my heart, your father's love
sprouting fast
in green
your eyes
and blue all around
My love: is us together
The Sea.

Constant indentation
exuberant glare
expectancy
endocrine gasp
fertility wasted
kisses lost
 breathe

Mental/fuck

itwas an accident
Everything was.
Love. The forbidden word
Malevolent conception
Sinful and wrong
Like throbbing with the
Devils idea
In a childish mind
With fear and morb
And a sexual drive
Some pleasant gratification
In the hidden ritual
Of derailed thoughts
Wetting the bed
At night
On purpose
Or touching the shy sex
Then feel guilty
Then then automatic commitment
Of self forgiveness
Interestingly, god takes no part
On this avenue.
But there’s this self righteous promise
Driving the world
To be better by erasing the past
That’s that accuses us
 But every now and then
The same finger that raises u
To bliss
Will cut our will like a fresh carrot
Crisp and
Impossible
And the pleasure
The owners of
That very tap
Snaps in our ear
The beat of
Power.

Hall-ey smouk

Run
In this hatred bloatness
wait...
perhaps it'll be
different next
time
but REMEMBER
are you falling,
failing
yearning
well known
learned facts
True.
OK
Not fancy, just
me, my kicks
and a little faith
hit the road
Go
Good, not the usual track
there's this
grumpy old troll
veteran hobbo
at the bridge
he seems harmless
but gets hostile at times:
-hey, sweetheart, ho'ya doin' today uh?
-you can say hi u know? I don't bite!
(yeah, but perhaps I do)
So keep going
the water is not as still as last time
when you can see the swans'
reflection as in fresh cleaned
crystal
but still nice, breezy
without the burning sun
the heavy air
just nice
till it got dark
and darker
till it was completely black and
a thin layer of
bluish green
but I rather deal with darkness
where there is still certain control
at a 90 degree temperature and bright light
I can only believe I manage the mind
but I can still faint
get dehidrated
But at pure darkness, I fight
the notion of being dreaming
"keep your eyes open you fool B*"
So I do, then get a bug in my left eye
I rub it but only make it worse
I got sweat, and a bug, and some dirt
still got quite a distance and it's getting darker
and there is no public restroom or water fountain
nearby
keep the heck going...
I got to the bridge, beautiful
for a moment the circket, frog, who knows what
 song loses its charm and becomes
a little annoying,
then the smell of something burning
is someone smoking? perhaps a bonefire
no... it smells like skunk piss
mmm... well, I think that is weed
yes, definitely weed.
And it's getting stronger
maybe this is the kick I needed to get this done
these people must be having fun, it doesn't stop
till I see some shadows
and a scream: holly f*!!! (laughter)
man! you scared the shit out of me...
Thank you! he needed this...(laughter continues).
Then I keep going and thought:
Don't worry, I won't tell...
me? A narc? O sure... here is my batch (pointing at crotch)
Where am I from? oh... no, no. TMI. We know too much already.
Me being an undercover officer of the law and you...
showing your pee -pees to your friends in the woods
while smoking your old man's special batch?
If Montecristo would've smoked these,
he'd prolly wouldn't be such a C*nt! LOL
Nine nite!
Keep going, home is closer now.
It is dark, but the street lights are decent, familiar.
Once home, I feel my appendix about to burst
But I won't say anything.
As for me, I would love to spend Thanksgiving in NYC.

Peace... xoxo 

8.31.18

-
i dream of you
chained angel
but fight the girl
in your skined
mask
tear my bond
of derrailed
melancholy
deliver my chaos
through
the leather holes
break the morning
in our landless
station
drink the thirst
of my burning
song
-
if i was a man
i would tell
you
the vilest
things
night and
day
and in
your
sleep
and wake
you up
in struggle
sweetest pain
provoque you
in places of
decorum
ruin you
bit by bit
your tireless
days
of legs toghether
and winter sweats
and midnight
tremors
i would hold
your heart
and grab
your ass
and dive
in your modesty
everywhere
stand
lay
and sit
togheter
if i was your lover
love
i would be
your best man
too
fearless critique
draw your tears
and tangy
hiss
would i wear your
rags out
and you
wouldnt i
crawl little
princess
naked
down the
stairs
and impregnate
the grass
of your million
running pink
bastards
i would
yeah
wear you
like a
quilt
and roll on you
under you
if i was yours
but im indeed
my dear
a thought
an effort
to please you
im your echo
my child
finish your
chocolate
unzip the music
that brought us
here
be the man
and for her sake
feed the
woman
uderneath
...

i love you in a silent
love
a little game
you invented
and never knew
was a game
i dont know
when i got
playing
but im
waiting for your turn
is it maybe that
you stopped playing
youve outgrown
our little fun
but im willing to
bare our cruelty
to tolerate a
pinch
bleed a little
and kneel
for all i care
will you then play?
will you?
....
chain me
to the foot of this root
you're pulling off
the ground
ill be a flower
disguised
ill plant your seed
around me
ill be your
weed
let me be
your garden
come back to
me
and be my
tree
...

my heart is a grumbling
balloon
full of firework
gunpowder
goo
glitter
liquor
some pungent
perfume
thick as oil
and the oil is messy
too
there is water
somewhere
some poison ivy
antidote
nail polish
baby powder
and a bit of
magic
yes, there is love & hate
passion & idle
there are memories
scolded everywhere
and god, are there
tears...
fresh and dry
there is forgiveness
in that heart cus
i insist
there is a heart
and yes
at the very least
a thin letal
thread of
blood

kkk

im leavig
arriving my
departure
landing
stay?
return.
forget
long
miss
ake
stall
.
numb
heart
callous
love
sleep
tiredness
hate
remorse
regret
fever
death
dust
dust
rain
sprout
eye
vision
love
again
return
grow
remember
stay.
....

do i love you?
no.
i know love
when i loved you
when i let you go
when i waited
so long
i will wait again
and learn
and decide
is this love?
does it matter
if it is destiny?
i will do
so much
maybe nothing
but i know better
i will live
till it is time
i know i will know
then
i know
my mission
now.
and i will tear
that head
down.

....

tell me
love
i wont listen
there is a man
home
that is wise
like
time
and sincere
like
an eye
and it is
mine
i came back
once
as i will be back
open it
open the gate
and wait
.

little angel
i know of you
before myself
i was dust
a doll
giggling with
god in a desert
and so much love
around
the twirls of my
dress.
i knew then
i was alive
and opened my eyes
to a dream of my
little boy.

xxx

the spirits asked me
to wait
to give time time
everythig will be
rendered
resolved
not to fear
not to wonder
not to rush
the course of
faith
you hurt
to death
a little less
every time
but i cant let
go
i will desperately
wait
and fear
and love you
till the end.

6.12.18

the night is not a
song
but is flapping a
hurting tissue
slobby angel
my artless encounter
with emptiness
for i can see
ways gone
and so far ahead
my heart
who disowned me
begs
to the vesel
of a carefully drafted
abyss
and hide
in the narrow
confines of
its tender infinite
till the water
takes my dream ashore
and a hand in the sand
is weeds in the
flesh
and the eye in the eye
the thirst in the
filaments
of an acomplice
star
bluer than the sun
burns out
in silence
while we
rain
-


how to escape?
she asked the moon
"you die"
the moon said
i would bloom
first
i'm flooding
yet i can't
"secrets"
said the moon
"you let them go"
but where to
store those
things of value?
....the moon
didn't respond.
-
i dream of you
chained angel
but fight the girl
in your skined
mask
tear my bond
of derrailed
melancholy
deliver my chaos
through
the leather holes
break the morning
in our landless
station
drink the thirst
of my burning
song
-
if i was a man
i would tell
you
the vilest
things
night and
day
and in
your
sleep
and wake
you up
in struggle
sweetest pain
provoque  you
in places of
decorum
ruin you
bit by bit
your tireless
days
of legs toghether
and winter sweats
and midnight
tremors
i would hold
your heart
and grab
your ass
and dive
in your modesty
everywhere
stand
lay
and sit
toghether
if i was your lover
love
i would be
your best man
too
fearless critique
draw your tears
and tangy
hiss
would i wear your
rags out
and you
wouldnt i
crawl little
princess
naked
down the
stairs
and impregnate
the grass
of your million
running pink
bastards
i would
yeah
wear you
like a
quilt
and roll on you
under you
if i was yours
but im indeed
my dear
a thought
an effort
to please you
im your echo
my child
finish your
chocolate
unzip the music
that brought us
here
be the man
and for her sake
feed the
woman
uderneath
...

i love you in a silent
love
a little game
you invented
and never knew
was a game
i dont know
when i got
playing
but im
waiting for your turn
is it maybe that
you stopped playing
you've outgrown
our little fun
but im willing to
bare our cruelty
to tolerate a
pinch
bleed a little
and kneel
for all i care
will you then play?
will you?
....